When Change Is The Only Constant.

This is the start of the hols and I'm already thinking it's gonna end very soon. I don't know what's wrong but I can't get the negative thoughts out of my mind. Each time I forget that I was upset about something, I remember it a few hours later because some idiot would bring it up.

Yes, I'm financially insecure. Talking about this, I have to say, I HATE my mother. The word is HATE. Don't try to change that because she's really not a good mother. If she were, she wouldn't have dumped me and say that I'm not her responsibility. Becasuse of her, she owes people over a thousand dollars. I keep thinking of how to clear up her mess and I even set up a piggy bank just for the purpose. I can't stand my guardian's nagging, telling me how dire our situation is. This happens EVERY single morning. That's why I'm pissed in the morn. I start it off badly. Or rather, it was started badly. There's no way to ignore it because somehow, what they say is true and I'm beginning to feel the effects. And heck, no one clears my mess.

Sometimes I would really laugh at myself. I can tell others to keep going, don't give up, be there to help them on their way.. Some think that I'm a person they can turn to, to seek advice and comfort. Truth is, I don't know how strong I am. I need a break too. I need it soon. But I'm not getting it. I need someone to turn to when I'm lost, to lean on when I'm tired. I don't know how much spiritual strength I have. Cos' I don't know how to rely on it. I'm soo tired.. can you understand?