'Mr Leong, what's another word for childhood?', I asked ever so innocently. He answered, ' Jasmine,' '
How nice.
ok..it was meant to be funny but I guess it's quite a big problem for me. For a start, I know that I'm not maturing mentally, emotionally and spritually. It may not really be a big thing to others but it is the key for me to adapt and find the 'balance'. This is especially the case since I'm now in JC and we are treated as young adults and have to 'grow up' Obviously I'm not growing up. (physically, maybe =P) if you observed me in school, I guess you would understand.
The plus side is, I'm not really affected by the 'adult' world. [you may think that I'm sick in the mind, but I don't think I'm really that sick deep down =D]
Ya..I think the sentences aren't really linking up and I'm still as confused as ever. I can't take care of myself very well..I don't know how I'm ever going to change that.(been like a kid who needs his mum) can't help it since I'm an ENFP..of course they said this sorta thing can change over time.
I don't forsee it changing anytime soon.

Here's a sick question that I thought of: What's it like to be pregnant? I think it would be a wonderful experience and a must try =D (cos the men don't get it) Yet, the thought of the commitment after the experience puts me off..so guess what I thought of? Yes! a surrogate mother! haha!
Of course, before that, a quick way to earn money is to donate your eggs to infertile couples. Afterall, you don't need all the eggs do you? In US, I guess each egg can at least fetch $4500. *note: I said guess

Oh well, after that, I'll go on my world tour.. see? I'm an unrealistic freak with the IQ of a 5 year old right?

Sometimes..it's better to be ignorant..

many things to say but little time to put them all down.

1) What's the big deal about birthdays? I kinda think that it doesn't have much meaning anymore.. so what if the person is one year older? It is just like any other day.. the trees age and they are marked with rings on their trunks. The plants grow old and die. 'All things shall perish under the sky..' Sometimes I wished people 'happy birthday' sincerely. yes, they are delighted that you remembered..but so? It's just meaningless. yes, it would be nice if you remembered my birthday but..it's just one day. it's just an ordinary day. they day when you were born, many others died. while you are still alive and celebrating, many still die and others are mourning. I don't know why I brought this up, but it's just something in my little brain.

2) I help a certain someone but i think it's getting a little overboard. look, I help you because I chose to but that doesn't mean that you can depend on me all the time. (yes, i know i'm dependable, but that's besides the point) I really don't like this feeling cause I'm a freeman/ woman.. i need to be close and i need to be free. so can you freakin get off my back for once? ok, a little crude but i hope you get the point.

3) I haven't been able to sleep well and I know.. I asked for it. Sleep paralysis as the name suggest, is the feeling of being paralysed while in your sleep. A little more to that, your brain is concious and you know that you can't move your body. The first time it happened, I willed myself to get up and out of it. The second time, I knew it was coming and let it be.. that was quite a scare. It came thrice in series, with a feeling a suffocation and hearing weird loud buzzing/mumbling sound. yes, I prayed feverishly. maybe I shouldn't pray..don't know why. I just wanted to distract myself and make time pass..

anyway..that's all for now.

May there be light..

i don't know what's wrong with me..just look at the bloody time. ='( lost and hurt. i just want my pillow. is that a lot to ask for? back to bed now..try and get some rest before the next horrible day starts..i feel like swearing..='( not that it helps.
for your info, it's 3.08 am

good morning.

i wonder if i say good morning with the right attitude anymore..='(

ok. it's been a while since i've last blogged. I'm going to touch on more important things than tarot interpretation today. I was really tired..guess it's the same for everyone else. Been rushing my projects till 2 plus for a couple of days.
First, I want to thank everyone for the success on Community Service cum Racial Harmony day. Things would not have gone so smoothly without everybody's help. Special thanks to KSA buddies for helping out since we were seriously shorthanded. That day, we led a group of boys from the Malay Home in singing a national day song. Initially, we were uneasy. thankfully, with some encouragement from the others and I, we were more united and sang aloud. Then, we had this pictionary game and I'm sure everyone else enjoyed it, especially the boys. That was a tiring, fun, and meaningful day. I missed the boys =).
Next, I want to share about the things I have learnt from my buddies so far.. Well, for a start, I've learnt that they brush their teeth after every meal. (I'm gonna try that too!) They have 3 years in seconday and 3 years in JC. that's so much better than our system (Why am I born in Singapore?!) They will also wait for everyone to finish their meal before clearing up and leaving. (yup, I was the last one eating) to me, the people are generally shy..maybe that's because they have not known us for long. Lastly, I feel that I'm really not a good host. Sigh, I wished I could participate more in the activities.. Have been apologising to my buddy though he said he's never been angry. (makes me feel worse =P) I'll try to keep him happy though
Oh, he saw that I was really stressed when doing chemistry. Guessed what he said? 'cheer up!' haha..that's what i say to people usually.
I seriously need help in chemistry. Seriously.
I shall end my post here for now. au revoir
*to those who are ill, get well soon =)

finally! all the results are back..surprise surprise. I've finally got my one and only B..I'm really quite happy today. I love bio and well I know that if I worked hard, nothing is unreachable. Sigh..still have so much to work on. Sometimes I'm so tired..I think the bed is my best friend now. Can't think very clearly right now..

I'll talk about [The tower, xvi] next time round! sorry..

I've gotten back al my results 'cept for bio. I haven't done briliantly but I ought to be thankful for what I scored. Honestly, I think I could have done worse..I shan't put them up here but you can ask me personally if you so desperately want to know and bitch about it. Haha.. kdding. ;) just ask if you are curious.
One of the most upsetting thing is that I failed chem. I saw it coming so that's why I wasn't emotional about it. I think I felt a tear in my eye but my heart was too cold to let it drop. Somehow, I've gotten the balance of my life. Just in case you are wondering, I've always imagined the universe as some form of a pattern and this pattern is part of a bigger pattern. Yea, something along that line. Many things are in cycles and many things come in pairs. Also, even those things that are odd or weird will follow some unique pattern. Ok, I may not be making much sense but just think about it.. That's also probably why I love bio. There's a pattern that I see..it just links everything up. Oh and so does History ;) Oh well, everything has patterns! haha

today's card is [temperance, xiv]
temperance is a card of balance. Someone who can adapt to situation with grace and ease. When you draw this card, it should mean that you are calm and in control of the events around you. Oh this word is also 'temperare' in Latin. the picture usually seems to show a female figure, probably an angel, pouring water from 2 vessels. So it's like blending and signifies harmony.. of course when it's reverse, the meaning should be something of chaos.
gotta run!

Hi, I'm back. Today, everything seemed to have slowed down. It took me till 1pm to be fully awake. Meaning, I nearly slept through the chem lecture. Must have been due to the cold weather and the cold LT. I prayed for lotsa rain but haha, I didn't need to much rain. Anyway, it's good. At least there's some balance. Life's going on very well though I'm still a little giddy from all the rides..(as in, all the activities)
Oh, I quit my cca and now I'm in something I never thought I would join. I think it doesn't matter at the end of the day. So I'm trying not to think too much about it.

Today's card is [the moon, xviii]
to me, the moon is a mysterious thing. all the waxing and waning.. we keep seeing the moon differently. when applied to a question, we can perhaps think that not everything we see is the truth. At one time, the moon looks like a cresent (just as if something seems to be correct) then at other times it takes a different shape (so the what was correct then is different now)
Moral of the story, never trust what you see immediately. Especially when it is a human =P.
When I look at the moon sometimes, I get sorta hypnotised. I begin to think of things that may not be true, Like dreams or ideals. The moon seems to have a 'power' of illusion and so..we ought to learn not to get carried away..

there must be some kinda jam earlier on. I couldn't log on. Today, I'm a little lazy. Nevertheless, I shall bring to you..Death.
yes.. [Death.xiii] is well..the thirteenth card in the Major Arcana. It does not mean physical death most of the time. It symbolises change, transformation and renewal. Most of the time, people fear Death. They fear change for they do not know if it is for the better or worse. However, they forgot the fact that staying status quo might also mean stagnation. It's like, if you greive over something and refuse to move on, you will stay in this stage forever. Why not learn to let go a little, trust that there would be something better ahead.
I like changes. I may be a little uncomfortable because it's something new and I need time to adjust. However, even if things are going well, I would still go for a change as it's getting new experience and I would definitely learn something. Perhaps that's also part of the reason why I chose economics rather than History. I love history and I'm still holding on to it. It's just that I don't want to deny myself of a chance to pick up something new. =)
so..don't fear changes. It's precisely why humans are able to adapt. that's the basic definition of anything alive. the ability to adapt. Be brave, and move on. There are always greener pasture if you are willing to look at it.

Last thing. OH MY GOD!! I ate so many nuggets..i think I'm bloated. haha. like at least 15 can? I'm so sick.. wahaha.. shall practice and go for international nugget eating competition? *kidding. ok time to go

ciao!

finally..finally!!! it rained. I have been praying and creating nonsense chants..hoping that the rain would fall. This lousy weather has caused me much trouble..the frustration, getting irritated at the slightest things..ah well. Still, I hope there will be more rain coming. The poor grass and other animals would pretty much love it too. Guess what? I have a half day waiting for me later on..Haha, going out with my beloved mei mei ;) any idea what type of shirts do guys wear..
I still can't rid the thought of tearing singlets and pouring ice cold water down...haha..Mr Thong would be the best person I use to visualise this. Yay, he's my ultimate frisbee teacher! woot!

oh I've got some work to do..stupid Calculus of variations! I won't care that The Taylor Series is some kinda freak equation that gives a solution to a problem. I don't care that bubbles can only form in a particular way or what. That's the problem with mathematicians..they've got too much time and have got to come up with some freak stuff to torture poor people like ok..me..who simply can't even do E-math. Look, I didn't know that 0.003 and 0.3 are both 1 sig fig..that's quite bad already. Sigh..and so life goes on.

Sorry, there won't be any card interpretation today. Have to do that calculus thing..

One thing I like about Singapore:
It's sunny.
One thing I dislike about Singapore:
It's sunny!
Today's 32 degrees..ain't any better than yesterday. Usually, I can get by the day without drinking water. Now, I'm desperately asking my friends for water. That's something you don't see me doing everyday cos' I usually don't remember the need to drink water..
Ya, we ought to be thankful because it's 40 degrees in Germany and hotter in the deserts. The thing is, there are too many buildings in Singapore and look at the roads..it's hot, black concrete, soil, cement and what nots or packed together.. No wonder the weather is hotter than it should be. And think about this..when you turn on the air- con(assuming yours isn't environmental-friendly) You are generating heat to the surroundings too! that's a negative externality! of cos, I'm guilty too. Can't stand this heat. Feels like a fever is coming..this stupid headache that's been bugging me since yesterday..
I wish I were a guy. I've been replaying this scene in my head several times. Imagine a guy who's at home, really pissed off by the heat. Then, he tears his shirt apart! Grab's a 1.5 litre bottle of ice cold water and pours it down his head!! wahaha..won't that be nice if I could do that?

Today's card would be [the sun, xix]

My interpretation:
The sun can be loving and warm..filling this world with light and life. It can also be angry and powerful..scorching you. it is also a bigger part of an entire system. When you get the sun..it can represent the 'self' and usually means something good and positive whether is friendship or work. I like to think that I'm drawing positive energy from my surroundings.
So when you get it reversed, it could mean excess heat..destroying life. Perhaps there's too much ego, vainity and arrogance..hence hindering success.

again..this is just how I percieve..to check out some really cool decks and learn their meanings, go to:

http://www.llewellyn.com/free/tarot.php
http://www.lotustarot.com

Is it just me or is it the same everywhere else? It's 31 degrees today but it feels like 37?!! super warm lately and I can't take it..Especially when my skin is really dry to start with..This weather is making me mad and killing my cells!! Anyway..there's suppose to be scattered thunderstorms later on (please scatter over here!! =D)

One thing that came across my mind..Are there past lives..? Please send me some sign if there is..I want to know who the person with this 'M' in his/her name is. Not very logical but..haha
a random thought..Humans lie..dad always says..never trust another human..I guess I'm beginning to see why

Anyway, I shan't be too bothered..gonna focus on my studies first! Same goes to everone. I think there's something wrong with the atmosphere..ok surroundings.. So, I'm gonna say this cheesy phrase 'I'll bring light to this world!' =) haha

oh one more thing..in order for me to truely have time for learning tarot..I shall give an explanation of what each card means..serve to strengthen my bond with it too..So, I 'll give it a try ;)
au revoir

Hello to all..After taking so much time thinking about life, I've finally thought of what I should do. First, I want to be the old me (not the childish part)..the me that used to trust and love without judging. Mother Thereasa said,'If you judge someone, you have no time to love them..' So ya..Why judge people? It takes time..eveybody needs love, so give love..=)

If I want to be happy, I must choose to be happy. It's all a matter of perspective actaully..Nothing can be too bad..even if we must grieve, we must learn to move on soon.. Life has actually given us a lot of things to be happy for. Yea..I'm begining to start looking on the bright side again. Embrace every good thing that comes your way and remember them..

Back then, I guessed I was trapped in my own dark 'hole'. I can't seem to get out..I would represent it with the Eight of Swords..the chains were loose and all I had to do was get out..but I was blindfolded..

So now I shall use Strength and The Fool..to take a risk (though there really isn't one) and use my faith and courage to step out..I know I'll find something good =)