When Change Is The Only Constant.

want to change my blogskin.. hard time designing and learning all da html thing.. but im not giving up yet..
sigh, feel so unloved at times when i know that there's so much out there.. so where did all the love go? i used to seek attention(perhaps i still do) i love affection, i love to give love and show that i care(i really do) but lately, I've grown tired. Ya, you would ask how is it possible to get tired of love right? maybe it's because the people you are loving are also humans.. sometimes i think humans are more difficult to love. (yes, animals are easier. like means like, dislike means dislike. there's no love-hate all at the same time. Dogs can hate you for a moment but still love you later. there are no ill intentions, no deception only honest love that i so wish that humans can show)
what happened to all that love that we used to know? why do people change? why have i changed for the matter? i know reality isn't all that wonderful, i know i have to grow up one day, but i don't want to grow up knowing that i have yet to taste the worst bit of reality. I'm no longer that same silly old me that can laugh all the time, laugh at all the good or bad things.. i can't be like the 'fool' of that tarot cards, walking confidently, not knowing all the dangers that lie ahead. I know how much it hurts to fall and how much it took for me to stand up and continue walking, so i won't be impulsive as to sprint without looking again.. the road to self understanding can be so tiring..
I wonder if I'm making sense.. no maybe I'm not. maybe I'm just uttering nonsense like I always do. i need to find that happy me that's too afraid to show up now..