When Change Is The Only Constant.

too tired. Couldn't study bio (for fun.. ya. not even the fun element can make me study) so i gave up and decided to blog.
Things that happen when you are a child have a great impact on your values, principles and how you see the world.. i guess that's why I'm actually a little weird at times.
I remember when i was 8, i wanted to know how deep the sea could be. I wanted to know what it really means to commit suicide ( i wasn't very clear about it.. so guess what?) I bravely took my surfing board and started swimming towards the open sea. Of course, i wasn't and still isn't a good swimmer course no one taught me how. Deeper and deeper i went until suddenly, the currents swept me up and i lost control of the surfing board( yea, it floated away) i thought, 'never mind, i can turn back and swim'
WRONG.
the force of the current was stronger than i thought and swept me further from the shore. My heart started pumping all the adrenaline it has (red alert) It's quite amazing because i realise now that it's natural to struggle. I did. I kicked and tried to wave my arms. I didn't scream though.. and I still can't remember who saved my life..
I was silent on my way home. Can't remember what my thoughts were.. but i guess i stared blankly. So when i saw my folks back home, i was just overwhelmed. I got to see them again! I remember this line when I was sobbing, ' I thought I will never make it back home,' and kept crying..ever grateful that my stupidity didn't kill me. [curiosity kills the cat]
So.. even though I'm truly amazed by the diversity of marine life, even though I love bio a lot.. i will never go out to the sea if i can..
Now, the thought that i gathered from this incident, other than the fragility of life, and the power of nature, I feel that life can be just like what happened at the sea. You are surrounded by many things, many dangers and you are struggling.. what if no one sees you struggling? or pretend not to see it? i ever imagined that i gave up struggling and closed my eyes.. allowing the darkness to take me in. It felt good not to struggle course struggling is tiring. Life is like this. Survival of the fittest. Survival of those who have the courage to survive, who have the will to live on. These people who live on.. have a thirst for something better. They may not know it.. but deep down that bottomless pit, they crave for something that they do not see.. something like a reward for living strong.

THIS IS WHY I LIVE.