I meant to put this up on this day but it's actually 28/8 already. this may be the last few times i get to blog before i face the promos..at least I must have the discipline not to come up so often anymore until the whole thing is over. so let me say my last words..
no. no more thank you speech ha. I'm sure you'll get tired of them. Just random thoughts..
1. i think I [am] fat. Remedy: watch my diet and hit the gym after promos.
2. I wish I was a guy. I see guys half naked (top of course) while training and I wish I could do that too. Can imagine the air resistance on that bare chest. Cool right? Ok, I'm shallow haha. following alvin
3. maybe it's been too long since I was a convent girl.. Is it right to lift up your skirt and adjust the shorts in public?? no matter what, I had a good time watching.
4. I know many aunties out there are still uneducated but I'm sure they know how to use a toilet bowl right? basically, you just sit there and well,do your thing. [NOT SQUAT THERE!] or do you need people to draw a cartoon strip showing you how to do your business?!
5. It's fun and tiring being a girl. So I'm still playing with the idea of being one. Hope I don't get tired of it.

running out of time. Let's work hard together and we will surely get promoted!

hihi I'm back.. yes promos are coming and i really pray that i'll promote. After all that serious talk with the teachers and my dad who's always saying that I'm gonna fail, i better prove them all wrong. It's possible right? even if i don't have faith in myself, i can believe in the miracle worker.. so many miracles have worked for me..just one more..no a few more will do =]
I'm thankful for all the chem crashing that my teachers and friends gave me.. So sorry, you guys made a choice and there's an opportunity cost incurred because of me >.< thanks wor jackie.. never thought someone could stay so late just to help me =) wa haha. I'm gonna aim high! (shoot low =P) eh no link hehex. i have to aim high ya? if not I dunno if i'll pass. getting really a bit worried cos I must see the exam through..and I won't let anyone including myself, down.

Please keep me going..thank you all.

if your relative gave you $170 for your birthday, does that equate to loving you?.. currently, conflicted.

Feel free to comment.

if you judge somebody, you have no time to love them

sorry for judging you. I still can't bring myself to love you. I don't know how to..

haha..thank you folks..for making my day so sweet and special. started my day at 00 00 in the morning, with a message from apurva and darrie.. next i ate my mian xian, tradition for people who are still not married to eat some noodle thing.
then i was sulkin in the car cos i slept at 1am and just don't feel like going anywhere to celebrate.
haha..i'm a bit lazy to recount what happened. overall, I should be happy.

gifts recieved: notebook, kitty cake, eyore handphone holder, french book, quotations book, mp4 =],dinner out plus choco cake (rocks! =p) most importantly, ang bao!! haha. kidding, that isn't really important..but because 'Someone ' is with me all the time?
don't be jealous ok..hehex

thanks to: GC, XQ (first handshake she offered to anyone), Jan, Jack, ZM, Sel, JJ, Apu, Darrie, CX, Shir, Dad, Mum, XH, Esther, Jiaying, JT, Xinyi, guitar ensemble, Monica, Kaiyun, Vanessa, Sha, YQ, Ben(don't have to remember the exact time ya? but thanks hehex), my little niece oh and to someone who made all these possible? hahaz

not in any order ok? thank you all for being so thoughtful.

last thing, jackie is purely ionic, me purely covalent. we do not 'like' dissolve 'like' cos there's different interactions between us. And so, there is no chemisty between us! ok? =]

oh..still, happy birthday Jackie..plus, darrie, hui ying, apu's dad, yong sheng, jamie, jasmine koh and me =)

yay!! my chem SPA is finally OVER!! it's the best SPA ever!! I had time to check =) Though I fought the mini battle on my own, I couldn't have done it without my buddies and help from my folks..special thanks to Zhuang Mao (sorry! always bothering you, hope I'm seriously not affecting you), Jackie boy (hehex..thanks for da last minute crash course that strengthened my revision), Mrs Kong( thank you so much for taking your morning time to answer some of my questions, yup I should start studying!) Jia Ting( hahaz thanks for keeping me in prayer) Papa (haiyo, you shouldn't have stayed up with me till 12..see? still coughing away, now you make me worried) Mama (thanks for your coffee and I could sleep properly until it was 2..-_-) Haha..there's just so much to be thankful for! sigh..Life is so unfair..I mean, I'm too lucky..just feel a bit well, sad for those who aren't as lucky as me. And that's why, I shall live happily for those who are down. =)

Yay, I'm finally turning 17. Not very significant huh. Oh well, it doesn't matter. The thing is.. my [parents] forgot about it last year (sorry i can't put the words in caps. [] used to represent.) That's fine too. Maybe they are just too busy and can't really be bothered. I don't expect presents..i just want you to care..but seriously, you don't. and I won't blame you guys.. Because to make up for that, I already have many people caring for me =)

For this, I'm thankful.

I guess I'm back to normal again. In fact, I'm better than normal =) Despite the fact that there is much homework to be done, chem SPA (my most feared thing of the week), bio trial SPA, math lecture test this week, many other things all overwhelming me, I feel calm.
It's really a different and special feeling. No longer do I fret over not completing my tasks, because i know with determination, I will eventually do so.
I just feel so fortunate because there are so many people who do care about me. Take for instance, my dad. Demanding as he may be, he did it all for the love he has for me. (Now, he's ill. Must be too mad at me =P Hope he'll get well soon.) Whenever I'm in some form of trouble, there will always be help somewhere and comfort.
In life, there are many things we cannot control. We have to embrace life as it comes and cherish everything we have. I'm thankful for all that I have. I may not have everything, but I don't need everything. I just need love. And it's always there.

Lastly, I've finally got the present that i always wanted. (an mp4! THANKS JIE JIE!! I nearly teared..haha, to think that you told me to 'wait LONG LONG' well, I've waited long enough)

thank You so much.

Throughout my life till now, I've never felt so stupid and so weak before. Maybe it's just a mental block, or maybe I'm just plain stupid. I'm taking ages to understand teachers and they, me. This won't do. If I don't buck up soon, how am I gonna earn my money for my world tour? ( fall back to my surrogation plan?!)
I need to pray. I have been anyway..not just because I'm stressed but I'm finding lesser and lesser people to turn to. Sometimes, there are so many thoughts, I tired of voicing them out. So praying keeps me sane and well, I'm not so tired. Still, I only pray (fullstop) maybe that's not gonna help. I'm just decieving myself.
I don't want to feel stupid. ='( not like this. Ya, I may not be smart but I'm not stupid either. Can you understand that? Am I complaining?
Sobs. I'm tired. confuse. afraid. lost. alone.
I don't want to be like this. I'm not like this..but ='(

*note: this is not a sign of giving up. I'll fight back this time. May the strongest win.

today's my dad's birthday and coincidentally it's Jack's father's birthday too =P but his dad is born one day earlier. Oh well, main point is, we went out to eat at the oriental hotel again. [but the cute guy from malaysia wasn't there haha] the food wasn't too bad and i nearly gorged myself to death, seriously. anyway, I'm glad that dad's happy since he was really sulky in the morning and they all couldn't decide where to eat. [yes, i took the initiative to suggest and they jolly well listen!]

from now on, I shall try to be positive like i was in the past. i've realised that I've shown my weakness a lot more than usual and well it's not very helpful. I can't help others either by being upset most of the time. So, I shall cheer up and work hard for my happiness =)

one way to remove sad thoughts. speak into a bottle filled with water..scold blah whatever you want and pour it all out. =) record all the happy thoughts..haha!

to be happy

It's been a long time since I last talked about tarot. The last card that I wanted to introduce you to was [the tower] It's is one of destruction. Most people won't like this card as it symbolises a total change..You have to start from scratch again and it really isn't a nice feeling when you know things are falling apart and there's no other way but to restart. However, when there's an end, it also signifies a new beginning. So who says starting over is all bad? It's just well, tedious. According to some sources, it's only when things break down do you see the truth..whatever that means. =p

the main that I wanted to say a long time ago is that I have no faith in human relationships.. I have my reasons. Sometimes, things just don't work out. Whenever you have a situation involving someone you care about, either you or that someone will get hurt eventually. Yes, it's a sweeping statement. Yet, the number of unhappy cases in human relationships that i see is much more than happy ones. I just need to look at myself and my own complicated family, I already know having my own family is a definite (well, almost definite) no no. Even my sis is facing her own problems and I know deep down she's hurting so bad.. That's not all..her child, the whimpers and wails, bring back memories of my own. Does she even know she's in the middle of a family crisis? Well I hope she doesn't, cos I did and I wished I didn't.

Perhaps that's why I'm terrified of commitments..i get the idea that it's a responsibility for me to see things through. it's a burden I'd rather not carry. Which is also why I'm hesitant of joining any religious groups. I know it's different but the commitment is the same. The idea of being a surrogate mother as suggested last time is to escape commitment. I don't wish to see anything happen to my child..anything that brings back ghastly memories of the past. I probably won't be a good mother either. (not that anyone's perfect)

Therefore, this brings me to the conclusion that a world tour to liberate people from sorrow, hunger and illness would be the best course of action for me. ;) sounds good right?

Foolish thoughts that make a lot of sense