When Change Is The Only Constant.

It's over!! Yea..my common tests are over. So am I. Let's analyse how badly I've done.

Bio not bad
Chem R.I.P
Math bad
Econs ???
Physics R.I.P
GP ???

On the whole, I'm quite dead. I'm definitely gonna fail physics. I thought the paper would end at 10 50am but it was 10 15!!! when the guy said, 'You have 15 minutes left.' I was like..huh? 50 minutes right..no 15!!!!!!!! Oh my shit! mailto:$@&*%&^ I started rushing like mad and goodness..I don't know how many questions I'd skipped. That moment, I felt lousy. I felt that everything went wrong. What's worse, I got a scolding from my dad. Cos' I clearly showed that I have failed and I guess he's worried that I would turn out like my bro.
Yesterday, I got really afraid cos' I didn't want to do badly for the last test, biology. I was close to getting a fever, 37.5 degrees. I suppressed all my feelings and started studying the moment I got back home. Even when I napped, I dreamt that he was scolding and saying how lazy I was. Guess what? I didn't sleep till 3 in the morn. I know it's not the right way but it was the only way and somehow it works all the time. At least for me.

I'm gonna step down from my post as CT rep for real.. Yes, it's his idea. Again, I just hate unnecessary conflict. I'm so sorry to have let everyone down..All my fault for not doing well. ALL MY FAULT. So, let it be =( and I guess I'll have to change my cca as well.. I'm so tired..
this lfe is so miserable. I can't convince myself that it's a trial to test my strength or what but I never give up..can someone just be there to let me lean on? to be by my side and rest with me...give me some comfort?

I wanna thank a special person who came in just at the right time to comfort me. Yes, mei mei, it's Zhuang Mao. Cos I knew the chances of me doing well for chem was near 0. I think he saw me being really tired though I didn't let all my weakness show. He said,' I have something for you,' then he took out something from his pocket.

Guess what?

It was 'peace'. At that moment, I cried.. I can't keep up the facade that everything was under control. I kept trying to read the notes, salvaging my last dying minutes. ( come to think about it, I was going to die anyway right? no point trying. But I think trying to live is natural) So, at least I faced 'death' more calmly.. thanks buddy =)

Peace be with you.