When Change Is The Only Constant.

Despite tears and my strongest desire to be there, I could not get to my family for three days because the only ticket I could afford required a three day advance purchase. No available credit on my maxed out Visa, no savings, and not an extra dime in the checking account. Sadly, I didn't even have anything of value to pawn.

For three days, I constantly called my family, asking repeatedly, "How is Dad? How is Dad? Tell him that I am coming. Please tell him that I will be there."

I could hardly eat, I was restless, I was crying, and I was devastated that I was stranded somewhere so from from my dad. The sense of helplessness was greater than I have ever known. My family was in shock and I was a thousand miles away, but it might as well have been a million miles. Finding $600 to reach them immediately was an impossible task. Being alone and realizing my financial situation made matters much worse.

When I finally made it home, my arrival was bittersweet. Dad was out of pain, no longer incapacitated by a stroke. But, I did not have the chance to tell him I loved him, I did not have the opportunity to lay my head by his beating heart, and I could no longer clasp his aged, worn hand safely between mine. Tears flowed and I knew in my heart he was still the best dad I'd ever had.

After an incredible celebration of Dad's life, I headed to the airport for the lonely flight home. Gazing out the plane window, I looked at the big fluffy clouds fully expecting to see my dad dancing in the heavens. At this point, I made a commitment to be like him: free, beholden to no one, in bondage to nothing.

[no, my dad is still alive. but each time I'm upset, I'll think of all the wonderful things we shared. It means so much more than the things we quarrel about.. =] love those who really care about you. these people are hard to come by.]